dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
