Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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