it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
