i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
