too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
