oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
