so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
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