its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
