i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
