I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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