apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Boobs speak an international language.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
