I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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