I heard we made out
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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