I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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