You really coming over, don't trick.
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
