I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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