her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
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She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
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HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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