So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
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I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
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I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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