how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
