I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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