There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
