you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize