a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
