haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
