Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
