Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
