Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
