I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
