I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
