yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
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I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
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we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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