I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
