i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
