I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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