Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
