so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
