i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
