There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
