I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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