im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
