can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
