You smell like a Billy Joel song
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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