I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
