i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
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Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
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All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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