I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
