paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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