I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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