weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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