Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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