im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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