the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize