you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
