i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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