i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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