What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
