I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
