I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
