first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
