His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
