I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
