how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
40s are totally the cure
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
