i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
