My room smells like vodka and shame
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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