I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
