If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
