i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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