some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
