who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
