Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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