i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
