Porn is love you can see.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
