3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
