What a fucking waste of an outfit
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
