You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Why is your signature on my underwear?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
